I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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