I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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