I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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