goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize