Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
