i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
