I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
