I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
