Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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