I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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