mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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