Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
