i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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