mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
