it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
