Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
