my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm both gender and math confused
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
