I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
