Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
