I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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