I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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