Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
