Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
