I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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