a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
youre lurking in front of me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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