its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
