I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
