Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
