Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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