Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
