One blow job doesn not make me gay.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
