ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
