that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
