dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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