spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
