just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
