The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
