A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
