I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
