just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Boobs are out for the taking
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
