im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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