like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
