Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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