I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
