1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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