Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
