If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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