just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
vagina is talking i cant
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
