She is in my trunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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