Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
