I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
