I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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