I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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