Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
