I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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