when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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