One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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