I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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