Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
being pregnant is like rehab
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
