dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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