Where is the hickey?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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