Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
