no, he came in my armpit
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
