Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
