I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
