Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
