Dual....:-)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
