apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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