so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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