This is not my ceiling
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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