some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
