I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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