all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
