i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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