After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
