I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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