He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
