he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
